Finally an update

So sorry for the delay! I so appreciate all of your support and believe it's crazy that anyone is even following me and feel so thankful for each of you and then I didn't update yesterday! I'm sure you all went on just fine with your lives, but you all left nice comments and words of support, so I feel bad not updating.  Without further ado:
Beta on Monday (15DPO): 454 :)
Progesterone: 17 :(  or :)
So, they called me in some progesterone! I have never worked so hard for (long story to follow) or been so excited (don't tell my husband) to stick something in my vagina.  Just kidding on the last part--I love my husband, including having sex with him.  I'm thrilled. Has all this heartache occurred simply because my progesterone is low? Will this be my "fix"?? I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'm trying to stay removed until I see what happens with my beta on Thursday and then again next week.  I did tell my best friend Morgan and my other friend Rina but instructed them not to talk about it :) I just learned from the last two losses that it's nice to have people "in" on it from the beginning rather than going back and explaining after the loss occurred and I acted weird for some time.

Why the delay in updating:  Last night my husband and I went to bed at the same time. This rarely happens as he is often at work when I go to bed.  He does not know about this blog. I thought I'd tell him by now, but haven't.  I always catch up with everyone and then post right before bed.  So, last night, I couldn't update.  I used the computer and tried to sneak but he was in a sweet mood and kept wanting to be involved with what I was doing.  So, I delayed.  Thanks again for all the support!

Progesterone:  Why is nothing in life easy? The nurse planned to call in my progesterone to Caremark to mail order as they do for many other patients. She simply stated I'd have to arrange delivery from them and all would go well.  All did not go well.  The entire caremark site and computers were down yesterday morning causing a lot of trouble! After approximately 5 hours on the phone with my nurse, the pharmacy, 2 other pharmacies, and several conversations with caremark, I ended up having the suppositories made at a compounding pharmacy and paying out of pocket for them.  Caremark assures me I'll be reimbursed while the pharmacy assures me caremark says I will not be.  The truth is that I don't care.  It was $57 for 60 suppositories and I feel that it is truly worth it and a reasonable cost to pay.  Does everyone have that much trouble getting meds??

So, I started the progesterone last night. I am currently on my third one and really doing ok. I had a headache last night, but today have been fine. I may be more cranky than usual, but how can I tell?

How I'm feeling this time:  I do feel a little less committed and more okay if the outcome is an early loss. I feel that this time, we have truly done everything and there's no missing data.  Our labs are fine, our karyotypes are good, etc. etc. We've determined my progesterone is low and I'm taking a supplement.  I don't have this feeling of wanting to do "more" or feeling like I'm missing something this time. I'm at peace with whatever happens  (this is what I think now anyway).  The flip side of this is that maybe this will actually be the one!  Also, I don't have 6 months invested into this pregnancy this time. I think that has truly made a difference. I'm beyond thankful for it, and do realize that I have 17 months invested in TTC, but it feels different this time.  Only time will tell.

Hope all is well with you. Keep Krista in your mind tomorrow as she undergoes FET!