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Thanks for sharing in our journey of moving from a couple in love TTC with no intervention to the land of testing and procedures...

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Take Three?

So, I got a positive pregnancy test this week.  As you RPLers know, this means nothing. It's just the beginning.   Both times in the past I was excited because it took 6 months to get there and I just knew that each of those times it would work. This time, I'm honestly filled with dread (possibly a trace of underlying excitement that is not allowed to be acknowledged). I just feel that it's only a matter of time before my body kills this child as well.  I know this is a negative way to be thinking about things, but I cannot get attached again until I know things are going well (and I realize that even then there are no guarantees).  I've already felt some cramping in my abdomen and in my back.  And since both of my previous pregnancies have ended so early and were both different, I don't know what is normal and what is not.  I used the wondfo pregnancy tests. I got a positive Thursday (the day AF was supposed to arrive) but it was faint so I didn't really believe it. I've tested about 10 times and still no AF. I really wanted to get a digital to be sure, but D asked what the point would be. I guess he's right. Plus, that would be more emotional investment.  I called my RE and will have my beta and progesterone drawn Monday and Thursday. So, we'll know more this time next week. I really feel that I'll need progesterone supplementation.  I just wonder if starting it Monday will be soon enough? Nothing I can do about it now. I just need to relax...I am in control of none of this.  So, that's where I am.  At least it didn't take 6 months this time, right? Only one cycle after my miscarriage...maybe that's something... will update more as the week progresses.


  1. Take deep breaths...take lot of them. Be good to yourself tonight, tomorrow and I'm wishing for a really high beta on Monday for you :)

  2. Oh Noelle... I am holding my breath right now for you-- in a good way; in a way that means I understand your nervousness and fear BUT I want to keep hold of the thought that this time everything will be okay. Yes- this time it didn't take 6 months! Good! If you feel you need progesterone, without having to wait for a blood test to tell you so, buy a natural (made from wild yams and NOT synthetic) progesterone cream at a health food store. It won't hurt; it could help. It's not cheap, but peace of mind is priceless, if it can be provided.

    Oh, then there's that little item of not being in control of any of this... yeah, that's a problem when it comes to our HEADS and HEARTS. I'm going to share more thoughts on that on my blog... in the meantime, know I am thinking of you, hoping for you, wishing for you. Breathe...

  3. Hi Noelle- I totally missed this post somehow, so I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! I know it is hard to be happy right now, because you don't know your beta and you don't know if it is true. But, I am saying lots of prayers for this pregnancy....I hope this it IT for you and that your betas will be awesome and high this week! I can't wait to hear your good news on the betas!

    Thanks so much for your comment last night, I looked into the softcups because I had never heard of them. If the liners don't do the trick, I may look into them! Thanks so much...I think things are better today with those stupid things!

  4. Congrats from me too!!! I know what it's like to suffer multiple losses, but my bigger battle is ttc, so I'm very jeleous of your 1 cycle BFP! Good luck today with your first BETA and prog level. And none of your journey is your fault....

  5. Congratulations sweetie...I know how you're feeling right now though. It's almost impossible to jump for joy until that baby is in your arms. Keeping you in my prayers and hoping for good news today..

  6. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!