First off, thank you so much ICLW bloggers! It's been nice to find new blogs and to get new traffic on my blog. I really appreciate your comments and look forward to our journey together :)
Update on the exercise situation: I ran day 2 week 4 of Couch to 5K on Tuesday. Doing well! Long day at work yesterday, so did no exercise. Today is day 3 week 4 of C25K. I'm doing well eating. Staying within my calorie range and trying to eat the right proportion of carbs, fats, and protein. I'm trying to eat "real" food and not processed food. I'm trying new flavors and foods in an attempt to expand my palate. So far, so good!
I'm nervous about the HSG today. I've done no reading about it because I don't want to freak myself out. I've heard people say they are uncomfortable and I've heard others say they aren't too bad. We'll see when I get there. I'm going alone and feel ok about it. My husband said he'd go if I need him to and I told him I didn't. I really wish he just would have assumed that he go with me. Oh well. I'm a big girl :)
Will let you know how it goes!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
From funk to fine
I woke up in a funk today! Bless those who had to be around me. After having the day to think about it, I know why. I recommitted myself to being healthy and working out. I worked Saturday and ate well that day. After working 12.5 hours and being away from my home for nearly 15, I still sucked it up and did the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD. Great job, right! Right. Then Sunday...I worked all day and watched my eating but boy was I starving when I got home! I did fix a healthy meal and plan my food for yesterday, but could not muster up the energy to do the video even though it was only 20 minutes. I knew I would be disappointment in myself and I was. So, I went to bed thinking what a horrible fat slob I am and woke up cranky. Should teach me a lesson...
The day was ok otherwise. I called the REI group to update them on my progress (welcome back AF) and to schedule my HSG. It was, of course, difficult because no one seems to know what they're talking about. I'm so used to working with nurses in a hospital setting where we are expected to guide the patients and use our critical thinking skills. That is not what is expected of the aids and nurses at MD offices. I need to understand that and things will go much more smoothly. Long story short, my day 3 labs were ordered (but I didn't make it there in time! Add that to tomorrow's list) and my HSG is scheduled for Thursday. Should be good!
I was still in a funk when I got home, but was excited to see my D because I hadn't seem him since Friday due to our conflicting work schedules. We got in a little fuss partly because I was already feeling a little insecure and partly because we were working on a project together and he got snippy. I just took a quick nap and then he apologized and told me he loved me when I awoke. Sweet :) Then we decided to prepare a nice meal together, which is so unusual for us these days. We made up a marinade for salmon and stuck that in the fridge. D then shot some hoops outside and I went for a run. Yes, a run...or jog...or jog/walk. Whatever! I went. I decided to restart the Couch to 5K running plan. I can already run a little, so I started on week 4. I did it and it seemed like the right level to start at for me. So, we'll see how that goes.
After our exercise, my mood was totally changed. I was proud of myself! I had planned a really healthy dinner as well. D and I spent the evening chatting, cooking our food, and just enjoying each other. Such a nice night. I needed that~
Oh, and welcome all the IComLeavWe bloggers! This is my first time participating (obviously since I only recently started this blog) and am so excited to be involved.
The day was ok otherwise. I called the REI group to update them on my progress (welcome back AF) and to schedule my HSG. It was, of course, difficult because no one seems to know what they're talking about. I'm so used to working with nurses in a hospital setting where we are expected to guide the patients and use our critical thinking skills. That is not what is expected of the aids and nurses at MD offices. I need to understand that and things will go much more smoothly. Long story short, my day 3 labs were ordered (but I didn't make it there in time! Add that to tomorrow's list) and my HSG is scheduled for Thursday. Should be good!
I was still in a funk when I got home, but was excited to see my D because I hadn't seem him since Friday due to our conflicting work schedules. We got in a little fuss partly because I was already feeling a little insecure and partly because we were working on a project together and he got snippy. I just took a quick nap and then he apologized and told me he loved me when I awoke. Sweet :) Then we decided to prepare a nice meal together, which is so unusual for us these days. We made up a marinade for salmon and stuck that in the fridge. D then shot some hoops outside and I went for a run. Yes, a run...or jog...or jog/walk. Whatever! I went. I decided to restart the Couch to 5K running plan. I can already run a little, so I started on week 4. I did it and it seemed like the right level to start at for me. So, we'll see how that goes.
After our exercise, my mood was totally changed. I was proud of myself! I had planned a really healthy dinner as well. D and I spent the evening chatting, cooking our food, and just enjoying each other. Such a nice night. I needed that~
Oh, and welcome all the IComLeavWe bloggers! This is my first time participating (obviously since I only recently started this blog) and am so excited to be involved.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Take Three
Aunt Flow arrived today and brought with her a mixture of feelings! I'm happy she is here and semi-excited about starting a new cycle, but nervous about the "what ifs" and dreading the roller coater ride I've experienced the last two pregnancies. Ya know...every cycle getting excited about the possibilities, spirits being up, BDing, then hopefully, anxiously waiting to see if (literally) the fruit of your labor materializes...then, nothing. Ugh.
I do feel that I'm entering this cycle with a better mindset than before. I do feel that I'm going to get pregnant again and that I have the team around who is capable of caring for me and helping me have this next baby be a sticky baby. Of course, since the arrival of AF this morning, the insanity has started creeping back in and I've stalked the boards reading to determine my next plan of action.
First, about me:
I use the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM).
My cycle is typically 26-27 days long.
Based on temperature, CBEFM, and my previous pregnancies I ovulate on day 11.
The two times I've gotten pregnant, I've BD'd on different days, but always within 24-48 hours of ovulation.
My EWCM is almost non-existent, so we use Pre-Seed.
My last cycle we used Instead Softcup and felt that was useful.
Plan of Action:
Temp every morning
Continue using CBEFM
Add OPKs in the afternoon
Baby Dance every other day starting on day 6 (modified SMEP)
Once +OPK, BD every night for 3 nights
Take one night off, then BD again.
I'll also have my day 3 labs drawn Monday and then my HSG next week (hopefully they can fit me in). The HSG offers slightly better chance of getting pregnant, I'll be coming off a miscarriage, and I'm using the SMEP. Lots of tools in the arsenal so I have high hopes! Plus, I only have enough tampons to get me through this menstrual cycle. I don't want to buy more!!
I do feel that I'm entering this cycle with a better mindset than before. I do feel that I'm going to get pregnant again and that I have the team around who is capable of caring for me and helping me have this next baby be a sticky baby. Of course, since the arrival of AF this morning, the insanity has started creeping back in and I've stalked the boards reading to determine my next plan of action.
First, about me:
I use the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM).
My cycle is typically 26-27 days long.
Based on temperature, CBEFM, and my previous pregnancies I ovulate on day 11.
The two times I've gotten pregnant, I've BD'd on different days, but always within 24-48 hours of ovulation.
My EWCM is almost non-existent, so we use Pre-Seed.
My last cycle we used Instead Softcup and felt that was useful.
Plan of Action:
Temp every morning
Continue using CBEFM
Add OPKs in the afternoon
Baby Dance every other day starting on day 6 (modified SMEP)
Once +OPK, BD every night for 3 nights
Take one night off, then BD again.
I'll also have my day 3 labs drawn Monday and then my HSG next week (hopefully they can fit me in). The HSG offers slightly better chance of getting pregnant, I'll be coming off a miscarriage, and I'm using the SMEP. Lots of tools in the arsenal so I have high hopes! Plus, I only have enough tampons to get me through this menstrual cycle. I don't want to buy more!!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I ran!
So, I got on the treadmill today. 16 days after my last treadmill visit. Not, the longest break I've ever taken but longer than I wanted. But, I did it. I've just got to keep up with it!
On the fertility front, still waiting on that AF. I don't think I'm pregnant...I'm pretty positive when I ovulated after the miscarriage because I recognized the symptoms. but we didn't have sex around that time. I've drank so much since then, I'd be scared to be pregnant to be honest! I think I've been drinking so much much because, first of all, I was on vacation. Second, because I truly feel that this is my year. We are seeing a specialist who will take us seriously, and I'm going to have a sticky pregnancy. So, here's hoping!
The other thing I'm waiting on is our karyotyping and preliminary labs for RPL workup. I had all the labs but the clotting ones. I'll get those in about 10 days. The first labs should be back next week. I'm anxious, but ok waiting. Good things are going to come :)
On the fertility front, still waiting on that AF. I don't think I'm pregnant...I'm pretty positive when I ovulated after the miscarriage because I recognized the symptoms. but we didn't have sex around that time. I've drank so much since then, I'd be scared to be pregnant to be honest! I think I've been drinking so much much because, first of all, I was on vacation. Second, because I truly feel that this is my year. We are seeing a specialist who will take us seriously, and I'm going to have a sticky pregnancy. So, here's hoping!
The other thing I'm waiting on is our karyotyping and preliminary labs for RPL workup. I had all the labs but the clotting ones. I'll get those in about 10 days. The first labs should be back next week. I'm anxious, but ok waiting. Good things are going to come :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Fat but NOT so happy about it!
Ugh...stepped on the scale following my fabulous vacation and I am the heaviest I have ever been. Yuck yuck yuck. I mean, I knew it was bad. I've looked in the mirror. My clothes don't fit. I just spent the last week in a f-ing bathing suit! But, to quantify it with the scale is the pits.
Six years ago I found myself in a similar situation. I was at my peak weight then (-1 lb from now) and it really put the pressure on. I immediately started action. I remember going to a bookstore and reading one of Bob Greene's books on eating. It really spoke to me, particularly paying attention to why I am eating and finding value in myself. See, I am a true emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm full because it tastes good, when I'm bored, when I'm reading, etc. I like food and I like to eat. So, I made some rules for myself:
1. No simple carbs. I could eat carbs but sparingly, only whole grain bread and occasionally whole grain pasta.
2. I had cereal and fruit every day for breakfast and packed my lunch (wholegrain sandwich, water, carrots) and snacks (apples, more carrots).
3. I would attend the gym 6 days every single week no matter what (I joined a gym that I had to pass on my way home) and use the elliptical for 30 minutes at minimum.
4. I could have one cheat meal per week, but did not go overboard. If I added a dessert onto the meal, that's fine...I would just have to do 30 extra minutes of cardio the following day.
5. Absolutely no eating after 7 pm (I went to bed at 10pm then).
Well, it worked great. I felt great and really stuck to the program. I lost 30 pounds in 4-5 months and felt the best I'd ever felt. Once I got to a good weight, I lightened up on the food restrictions. That summer I had to do a nursing internship working 12.5 hour shifts and started skipping the gym. Then, I finished school, moved, started working, etc. I gained 10 pounds back but felt ok.
Off and on since then I yo-yo. I eat right, work out, see results, then stop. It's so sad! It's so frustrating to make the progress and then slip right back to where I started from or beyond! But, I don't know how to fix it. I know the right foods to eat. I know to do cardio and weight training. I know all the right things but cannot make myself consistently do them.
Last year after not getting pregnant for the first 4 months I started going to a personal trainer. It was going well! I was changing my body, but only lost abbot 10 pounds in the two months. Then, I got pregnant and was scared to keep working out. Then, I miscarried, and didn't give a f*ck about working out. Since then, it's been up and down again all over. I want to work out and get in shape, but every month I think "Oh, but I'm going to get pregnant". So, I'll work out for a week or two, then stop during the 2 ww. It's so counterproductive. I know that it's fine to work out. I know that I need to get in shape and lose weight. I just can't seem to do it. I have a hundred excuses! The reality is that I'm just plain lazy.
I'm trying to be productive, so I'm outlining the main differences between my success before (6 years ago) and my failures now.
Then: I had a consistent (8-2) schedule every day involving sitting in class listening to lectures making it easy to plan meals, gym time, etc.
Now: I work (mostly) exhausting 12.5 hour shifts with a one hour each way commute on different days every week making the consistent schedule aspect difficult.
Solution: I know my schedule way in advance, so despite it being inconsistent, I do have one and should be able to plan meals and gym time.
Then: I had easy access to a gym and had to drive by it every single day to get home.
Now: I have a gym in my basement that includes a treadmill, elliptical, weights, tv, and dvd player. The problem is that I'm home...
Solution: ??? Get off my lazy ass? Stop making excuses? Jury is still out on this one...
Then: I was just an ordinary girl trying to get in shape with a few cares in the world (lol, not how it seemed at the time).
Now: I'm fighting the battle to get pregnant and have two emotionally stressful jobs.
Solution: Suck it up? Realize that a healthy weight is good for me and my future baby? Again, I don't know...
Then: I followed my "rules". I made them and then they had to be enforced.
Now: I make rules, but they're actually more like guidelines. If I don't want to follow them, I'm an adult, dammit, and I don't have to!
Solution: Find that mindset where I can follow my own rules.
As you see, my solutions need some work. For now, bed time. Tomorrow: Run/Walk on the treadmill for 3 miles. I can take as long as I want, but it has to be done.
Six years ago I found myself in a similar situation. I was at my peak weight then (-1 lb from now) and it really put the pressure on. I immediately started action. I remember going to a bookstore and reading one of Bob Greene's books on eating. It really spoke to me, particularly paying attention to why I am eating and finding value in myself. See, I am a true emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm full because it tastes good, when I'm bored, when I'm reading, etc. I like food and I like to eat. So, I made some rules for myself:
1. No simple carbs. I could eat carbs but sparingly, only whole grain bread and occasionally whole grain pasta.
2. I had cereal and fruit every day for breakfast and packed my lunch (wholegrain sandwich, water, carrots) and snacks (apples, more carrots).
3. I would attend the gym 6 days every single week no matter what (I joined a gym that I had to pass on my way home) and use the elliptical for 30 minutes at minimum.
4. I could have one cheat meal per week, but did not go overboard. If I added a dessert onto the meal, that's fine...I would just have to do 30 extra minutes of cardio the following day.
5. Absolutely no eating after 7 pm (I went to bed at 10pm then).
Well, it worked great. I felt great and really stuck to the program. I lost 30 pounds in 4-5 months and felt the best I'd ever felt. Once I got to a good weight, I lightened up on the food restrictions. That summer I had to do a nursing internship working 12.5 hour shifts and started skipping the gym. Then, I finished school, moved, started working, etc. I gained 10 pounds back but felt ok.
Off and on since then I yo-yo. I eat right, work out, see results, then stop. It's so sad! It's so frustrating to make the progress and then slip right back to where I started from or beyond! But, I don't know how to fix it. I know the right foods to eat. I know to do cardio and weight training. I know all the right things but cannot make myself consistently do them.
Last year after not getting pregnant for the first 4 months I started going to a personal trainer. It was going well! I was changing my body, but only lost abbot 10 pounds in the two months. Then, I got pregnant and was scared to keep working out. Then, I miscarried, and didn't give a f*ck about working out. Since then, it's been up and down again all over. I want to work out and get in shape, but every month I think "Oh, but I'm going to get pregnant". So, I'll work out for a week or two, then stop during the 2 ww. It's so counterproductive. I know that it's fine to work out. I know that I need to get in shape and lose weight. I just can't seem to do it. I have a hundred excuses! The reality is that I'm just plain lazy.
I'm trying to be productive, so I'm outlining the main differences between my success before (6 years ago) and my failures now.
Then: I had a consistent (8-2) schedule every day involving sitting in class listening to lectures making it easy to plan meals, gym time, etc.
Now: I work (mostly) exhausting 12.5 hour shifts with a one hour each way commute on different days every week making the consistent schedule aspect difficult.
Solution: I know my schedule way in advance, so despite it being inconsistent, I do have one and should be able to plan meals and gym time.
Then: I had easy access to a gym and had to drive by it every single day to get home.
Now: I have a gym in my basement that includes a treadmill, elliptical, weights, tv, and dvd player. The problem is that I'm home...
Solution: ??? Get off my lazy ass? Stop making excuses? Jury is still out on this one...
Then: I was just an ordinary girl trying to get in shape with a few cares in the world (lol, not how it seemed at the time).
Now: I'm fighting the battle to get pregnant and have two emotionally stressful jobs.
Solution: Suck it up? Realize that a healthy weight is good for me and my future baby? Again, I don't know...
Then: I followed my "rules". I made them and then they had to be enforced.
Now: I make rules, but they're actually more like guidelines. If I don't want to follow them, I'm an adult, dammit, and I don't have to!
Solution: Find that mindset where I can follow my own rules.
As you see, my solutions need some work. For now, bed time. Tomorrow: Run/Walk on the treadmill for 3 miles. I can take as long as I want, but it has to be done.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sorry so long!
So, sorry for the long delay in posting (if anyone is actually reading...). I had my birthday after my last post and then an exhausting couple of days at work! Whew. Heart-wrenching and horrible as I took care of a mom and dad who were fighting to save their 24 week old child and lost. Tough. Then, I had vacation! Woo! Could NOT have come at a better time. We headed down to the Caribbean and had a beautiful, fun, relaxing week of sunshine, snorkeling, and eating!
It's so strange how "normal" I am the weeks following a miscarriage. While waiting for AF to arrive, I do no temping, no mucous checking, no on-demand baby-dancing, no peeing on a stick, and I have no freaking clue what day in my cycle I'm on! It's great! Now, don't get me wrong--I'd rather be pregnant. But, it's nice to not have my life consumed by getting pregnant for a few weeks. I'm excited for her return because once she does, the rest of the show can get on the road! I can have a few more blood tests and my HSG and we can be closer to welcoming our sweet baby. So, I guess I'm saying I've enjoyed the time off, but I'm energized, refreshed, and ready to start again!
I've enjoyed reading the blogs to which I subscribe since I've returned and truly missed the stories and thought about the writers while I was away. It's interesting how people that we don't even know can affect us. I'll keep ya posted!
It's so strange how "normal" I am the weeks following a miscarriage. While waiting for AF to arrive, I do no temping, no mucous checking, no on-demand baby-dancing, no peeing on a stick, and I have no freaking clue what day in my cycle I'm on! It's great! Now, don't get me wrong--I'd rather be pregnant. But, it's nice to not have my life consumed by getting pregnant for a few weeks. I'm excited for her return because once she does, the rest of the show can get on the road! I can have a few more blood tests and my HSG and we can be closer to welcoming our sweet baby. So, I guess I'm saying I've enjoyed the time off, but I'm energized, refreshed, and ready to start again!
I've enjoyed reading the blogs to which I subscribe since I've returned and truly missed the stories and thought about the writers while I was away. It's interesting how people that we don't even know can affect us. I'll keep ya posted!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
It was good!
Yesterday D and I went to see the REI doc and it was really really good! The MD was totally professional but kind and down to earth. He sympathized with our losses and helped us come up with a plan for where to go. He really listened to us, asked questions, and appeared genuinely concerned. I was so nervous going there. I literally felt nauseas yesterday morning before seeing him. But, was totally relieved once we met with him. Plus, he met with us for over 30 minutes! From what I've read in the blog world, that's outstanding.
The plan:
Yesterday we each had genetic testing done. I got labs for a myriad of other things.
Once AF returns, I'll call to schedule HSG (not so excited about this) and day 3 labs.
In 3-4 weeks I'll have some clotting and immune labs drawn.
So, sounds good to me. He didn't push treatment, which I was afraid of. He respected our knowledge, but explained things when we needed him to. So, here we go...
The plan:
Yesterday we each had genetic testing done. I got labs for a myriad of other things.
Once AF returns, I'll call to schedule HSG (not so excited about this) and day 3 labs.
In 3-4 weeks I'll have some clotting and immune labs drawn.
So, sounds good to me. He didn't push treatment, which I was afraid of. He respected our knowledge, but explained things when we needed him to. So, here we go...
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